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1/22/16

MY TOP 10 WORST FILMS OF 2015

While I managed to skilfully 90% of what looked to be a bad bunch of movies from Jem And The Holograms to Poltergeist, I was still subjected to a few stinkers. Some of them I somehow didn't hate though understandably everyone else did (Mortdecai, The Ridiculous Six), some of them just didn't do it for me at all.

This is THEIR Top 10!


10
SPY/FURIOUS 7



Couldn't decide which of these two to include or not include so let's go with both. Truth be told, I didn't hate these two films: Spy was a passable comedy, Furious 7 was amusingly over-the-top. Problem is, Spy is instantly forgettable and felt forced more than it didn't and Furious 7 was way dumber than it probably should have been not too mention about an hour too long and inferior to most of its predecessors. Decent send-off to Paul Walker at the end, though.

9
CHAPPIE


Ok so here's the thing: I really like Neil Blomkamp's other movies (Elysium, District 9) but, despite having decent actors involved and some cool special effects, Chappie just came off as dumb, surprisingly cheesy and kinda boring. Give me Short Circuit (or Short Circuit 2) any day. That's some good input right there.

8
THE WEDDING RINGER


Don't ask me why I watched this. Alright, it was on a plane and I was desperate. The Wedding Ringer had an intriguing premise and a fun cast but it wasted the talents of both Josh Gad and Kevin Hart, who both deserved better. The plot is silly and thoroughly unconvincing, as are the more "heartfelt" moments.

7
CINDERELLA


Shocking to think that Kenneth Branagh directed this lazy Cinderella story. Disney's latest live-action adaptation may have starred a very good Cate Blanchett but everything else was either on auto-pilot or simply awkward. Bizarre performances, criminally unfunny script, clunky direction, completely unimaginative overall.

6
PIXELS


Critics may have rushed to crap on The Ridiculous Six but, don't be fooled, that movie was at least watchable (if far too long). Pixels, however, is a real mess and, once again, everyone involved deserved better. Yes the special effects are kinda cool and it's good to see retro gaming characters on the big screen but you just end up wishing they had been used in something good instead. Plus Sandler doesn't even try in this, which is just sad.

 5
VACATION


Really wanted to like this one. After all, the National Lampoon's Vacation movies (with the exception of the Europe-themed one) are favourites of mine. Unfortunately, this movie just did not capture the spirit of the originals, instead piling on the awful dick jokes from the get-go, struggling with a mostly not funny script and making us wait over an hour for a Chevy Chase cameo which was better than the rest of the film. He and Ed Helms bring the only few chuckles.

4
GET HARD


Again, two talented, very funny comedians wasted. On paper, this sounded like it could be fun yet something about it rubbed me the wrong way. The whole prison theme turns out to be misguided, as do a lot of the jokes, plus it comes off as pretty homophobic even though that's not what they were going for. Also: we get it, Kevin Hart is short. Ha ha. Gay rape in prison? Hilarious!

3
PAY THE GHOST


A bit unfair to include this one since I'm not even sure it even made it to cinemas but it's still a pretty bad movie and it was released last year so... here it is. Nicolas Cage is in this, which adds some fun to the proceedings, unfortunately a lot of Pay The Ghost is dull and all of it is ridiculous and stupid. The ending, which involves a Celtic goddess and a flashlight-waving Cage fighting on a bridge is particularly insulting.

2
TERMINATOR GENISYS


This one's right up there for three reasons: it's the worst Terminator movie ever made, it makes no sense and it's not even a good action movie. There are more reasons, though, including some awful casting choices, a nonsensical script, wasting Arnie's time, literally shooting the classic original in the face, changing the entire franchise's story into a convoluted shitpot, using far too much CGI, being dumber than T3 and Terminator Salvation combined, the list goes on and on. Don't be back, please.

1
FANTASTIC FOUR


Easy target, I know. But, thinking back to it, I honestly can't remember watching a clearer catastrophe than this new Fantastic Four. Or a more boring movie, for that matter. It's like none of it works: the cast, the effects, the story, the bad guy (awful Doctor Doom), the action... it's all fatally flawed and the whole thing not only makes very little sense but you can almost hear the money falling down the drain with every passing on-screen minute. The production was hell and it shows. I really wanted to defend this one after the critics panned it but I'm just not THAT kind. The film actually made me recommend not one but two Jessica Alba movies, and that's just wrong.

Also (dis)honourable mention to Disney flop Tomorrowland which wasn't very good but not quite bad enough to make the list. After all, it did have some creepy child robots, a magic bathtub and an Eiffel Tower rocket and those are all entertaining, if super silly, things.

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