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3/6/11

HEMOGLOBIN - REVIEW


Some films are just strange. Not bad, not good: just strange. This is not one of those films. This is bad, really bad AND incredibly strange. This is a kind of bad film subgenre which is always surprising, films which are essentially awful but which have the ability to confuse, gross-out or surprise the viewers nonetheless.

The film opens on two identical twins (man and woman) in like the 17th century having sex...with each other. Pretty soon you notice the male twin is played by the same actress as the female twin, but with a moustache. It's at that point that an obligatory frown forms on your brow and you know you're in for something special.

But then things get incredibly dull. A whited-up Roy Dupuis is on a boat wearing sunglasses, he has a nosebleed, he is taken in by a group of all-women grave diggers and some alcoholic doctor (Rutger Hauer). Turns out he's looking for the rest of his family (descendants of the sex-twins) etc... Yeah, the plot's absurd.

So for like another half hour nothing happens then some plastic Basket Case-style monster with no legs shows up and eats like 2 women. That's before Hauer does an autopsy on the beast to reveal its hermaphrodite physiology and uttering the line "...to reveal a perfectly functional small vagina". lol NOW it's a movie!

The last half hour is actually the only reason to check out this film. I mean, you've got a crazy old lady with a shotgun, Roy Dupuis eating a 100 year old baby in a jar before standing in front of a mirror and touching himself then having sex with some girl and crying during their orgasm, you've got an attack by an army of twin incest ghouls, you've got the girl realising she's pregnant almost instantly AND you've got the twin actress from the beginning in a fat suit living in a cave with the monsters...too many lols in that last 30 minutes to even list them all.

Overall, Hemoglobin (or Bleeders) is intensely dull BUT if you check out the second half, you won't be too disappointed: this is one weird, screwed up, ridiculous creation and Rutger Hauer's presence is perplexing to say the least.

Suddenly those attack ships on fire, over the shoulder of Orion don't seem so odd now, Mr Hauer?

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